Show your support for NO MORE domestic violence and sexual assault
At the age of 4, my beloved aunt married the man that had raped her on their first date and made her pregnant. This was 1966, she did what she thought she should do. He was a very funny man, everyone loved him. Except me. He immediately started grooming me to be what he called " his mistress". I don't remember when intercourse started, but this lasted for 13 years, until I was 17. My aunt and I were supposedly "so close" that I would be sent to spend entire Summer's with them. My home was on the water, in a choice site. Every holiday and weekend our home would be full of friends and relatives. We would have wonderful fishing trips and then cook outs. This was supposedly the perfect life, except that at night he would creep downstairs and molest me. When I became a young teen and would go to their home, my aunt would take me out to party and get drunk. She would pass out when we got home and he came to me. When she would go out without me, he would get out the tequila bottle and try to make me do shots. Then, of course, he would tackle me on the sofa or floor and molest me. I tried to stay quiet so that I didn't wake their children. I finally learned how to humiliate him. I would insult the size of his penis and his performance until he was unable to perform. I finally was able to say no to visits. BUT I felt like I had a sign on my forehead that read "Easy Target". When I was 15, I was raped on a date with a classmate. He refused to take no for an answer and I froze, as if I had had to allow him. At the ages of 14 and 16, I was sexually abused by men that I worked for, and nearly raped. I somehow found the courage, at 16, to shame this man with talk of his wife and children. I thought I was free and past all this after freeing myself from my perverted uncle. I was 18 and out in the world to make my way. I had tried college, but just could not do it. I went to work at a large restaurant. 3 men pursued me. I got involved with one of them, 13 years older than me. I moved in with him and 2 weeks into this arrangement, he began to verbally and physically abuse me. I was only 19 years old. I married this man and continued to allow this abuse. I didn't know anything else. After 5 years I became pregnant. The abuse escalated. After my son was born, it started to affect him. I WOULD NOT allow my son to be abused. I left him and came back a couple of times, the abuse continued to escalate. Our lives were in danger. I called my parents for help. They immediately had a plane ticket waiting at the airport. I escaped and never went back. Through my entire childhood, I had zero self esteem. I thought this was my calling in life. I was incredibly promiscuous in high school. My only dream was to become a prostitute, but an incredibly expensive, beautiful prostitute. I think I just wanted to be valued. I married again to a wonderful man and was safe. I was safe enough to finally start having flashbacks and ask for help. I've had many years of psychiatric help. My diagnosis has always been depression due to PTSD. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I'm in a safe and loving marriage, my son grew up healthy and is now 29. I'm past the trauma, but I will never forget. It formed who I am. I now want to form support groups for abused children and women. I know there are also sexually abused men. Maybe I can help them, as well. If you haven't received help, ASK for it. Continue asking until you get what you need. Pam
