Violence Against Women and Girls Needs a Proactive, Not Reactive Approach, With and For Men

We’re excited to invite allies and activists to share their perspectives on our blog. This guest blog is written by Kate Reddick, Founder of My Sex-Ed Teacher, a campaign to promote men’s awareness and action against normalised sexism and sexual harassment towards women. Please note, that this blog was written in a personal capacity and may not reflect the view of the NO MORE Foundation.

The news of horrific stories of violence against women and girls (“VAWG”) is
increasingly prevalent in the media, both in the UK and globally. The crossbow attack of Carol Hunt and her two daughters, the stabbing of Bebe King, Alice Dasilva Aguiar and Elsie Dot Stancombe in Southport, and the vicious killing of Rebecca Cheptegei, to name a few.

Naturally, these stories stir a variety of emotions. There is often anger and frustration directed towards men, or what could be described as ‘male-bashing’. Male-bashing was a term first used in the 1980s and refers to the act of attacking men in a harsh or prejudicial way. For example, rhetoric on social media that men are “the problem”, “toxic”, “the bad guys”, or where sweeping negative statements are made about men. Conflictingly, you also have the potential of media minimising these violent acts - excusing the man’s behaviour by framing it as “an isolated incident”, or generally not recognising that this violence is quickly becoming a public emergency.

Another response from the general public, as well as government and local
authorities, has been to protect women by recommending safeguards and
implementing preventative measures. This can be anything from awareness
campaigns, encouraging reporting abuse, advising women to not walk home alone at night or not to leave their drinks unattended at a bar…the list goes on.

Thankfully, the UK government has finally recognised extreme misogyny as a form of extremism which is to be tackled. However, we need to do more.

The approach to addressing VAWG should also focus on taking positive, proactive action with and for men, rather than a mostly reactive action which tends to sit solely on the shoulders of women, and can isolate and lead to hatred against a large proportion of men.

To be really clear, the following actions should happen in conjunction with the
government’s strategy, legislation and plans to tackle inequality and misogyny,
together with community leaders. We should be doing everything we can to protect
the wellbeing of women and girls.

What we as a society can do

The causes of VAWG are complex, socially interconnected, and are still being questioned. According to a study from the Norwegian Centre for Violence and Traumatic Stress Studies, the majority of men who use violence, have themselves been exposed to violence or abuse during childhood. Many of them also struggle with anxiety, depression and drug abuse. The cultural norms of “toxic masculinity” and how social media, for one, can perpetuate this idea that men are aggressive, dominant and suppress emotion, are damaging to both men and society as a whole as those men who conform to this mindset are more likely to engage in violence against women.

The primary causes of this type of violence should be broadened to focus on both gendered power dynamics and control, and mental illness and its impact on behaviour.

Therapy as a treatment option for men who use violence should be integrated and made more readily available in our communities.

We can also empower and support men and boys through education - not the kind that’s pushy or overwhelming, or found in lengthy academic papers, but instead bite-sized, impactful messages that seep into daily activities where eyes may fall. For example, a social media post, a poster on the train, a conversation on a podcast.

What men can do

Becoming more open minded to the negative impact of gender stereotypes on everyday behaviour is a good starting point. Men and boys can take steps to educate themselves on how to have more respectful interactions with women - from those they cross paths with on the street, to a relationship with a long term partner.

Modelling positive behavioural changes, standing up to sexual harassment and everyday sexism, or simply starting a conversation are also ways that can extend change or support to fellow male friends or family.

Again, therapy can be a tool for working through personal difficulties and a change in attitude.

What women can do

You can’t expect change from someone by shaming, blaming or bashing. Championing men who demonstrate respect towards women can support change, as well as standing up to sexual harassment and sexism.

Allowing men’s voices to be heard and having open conversations, can also lead to a change in attitude and how men view women.

Gender stereotypes are powerful and have a firm grip on how men react and treat women. Exposure to violence and mental illness can also have a marked influence on their behaviour.

We need men on our side to tackle gender inequality and violence together. If we stop seeing all men as the problem, and being open to changing by seeking support, it can have a profound positive impact on society.

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