Sun Mar 8 2015 - Sat Mar 14 2015, 12:00 am
My brother, a professional bull rider, was a victim of domestic violence. We are telling Tim’s story from his perspective as he told it through his friends and family.
Our family would like to tell his story through your campaign. We believe it will touch the hearts of many and will address the issue of domestic violence against men.
Nobody would ever look at my brother and think this could happen to him. We believe he felt so much shame and was so confused he didn’t know what to do. He took his life on Sunday November 23, 2014
Hi, my name is Tim Myers. I was a son, brother, father and husband. I was a victim of domestic violence and on November 23, 2014, I took my life.
I was 47 years old and managed a successful construction company in the San Francisco Bay Area. I was also a Professional Bull Rider for the PRCA (Professional Rodeo Cowboy Association). It was my passion. I was a Marine and served my country proudly. Oohrah! You might say I was a “man’s man”. I wouldn’t say that, but you might. I was tough, strong, committed to my work and loved bull riding.
I had many friends and I did my best to let them know how important they were in my life. If I loved you once, I loved you forever. Once a friend always a friend – never to be forgotten.
In November of 2013, I married a woman I knew from my childhood. We reconnected through mutual friends and that began our whirlwind romance. What a romantic story, childhood friends reconnect and find love. We dated very briefly and within just a few months we were married. Why wait, we were in love.
The first few months of our married life were amazing. We blended our families and began to make plans for our future. I was working with an Extreme Sports talent manager, developing a tv reality show about bull riders. It was a dream come true and my new wife and I were going to be a part of this exciting project.
Just a few months into our marriage things started to change. My wife loved me so much, she wanted me all to herself. Instead of engaging in social activities, visiting with other family and friends, we began spending more time at home, alone. We attended rodeos together, but no longer invited my family and friends. She wanted me all to herself. How sweet of her, right?
I had a lot of friends and I was pursuing a professional career in the entertainment industry. It was very important that I stay connected with my friends, family and rodeo associates, including other bull riders. My wife didn’t appreciate my efforts and she began to let me know it. She didn’t like me communicating with people she didn’t know. Especially other women. She was afraid I would stray. I assured her I loved her and these women were family friends, cousins or people associated with my professional activities. I routinely communicated with my friends and family through texting and social media. I loved them dearly and Iet them know that regularly. Anyone that knew me, knows how important my family and friends were to me.
My wife wanted to be more involved in my life and career so she routinely inquired about who I was talking to or texting. Soon it became apparent that my explanations weren’t sufficient to curb her jealousy. She began her own investigation of when, where, and whom I spoke too. She accessed my phone, texts, and emails, and decided that it would be better if I didn’t communicate with any women. That way she wouldn’t have to question me everyday on whom I had spoken to or search my phone. She expressed how upsetting this was to her. I didn’t want to see her upset anymore so I began disconnecting from my friends and family. My family thought something was wrong because they loved talking with me regularly, sharing my bull riding experiences and the exciting plans I had for my future, but nobody shared there concerns with anyone other than myself. I explained to them that she was just really jealous. My friends and family did not inquire any further, after all, I was in a new marriage with a new family. I was probably very busy. My wife reassured everybody through social media that things were great and we were so much in love
My wife wanted everyone to know just how amazing our life was so she posted messages daily of our love with songs, poems and pictures. We must have looked sickly sweet and people must have thought our life was the greatest love story ever told.
In June 2014 I went head- to-head with a bull. The bull won, I received a severe blow to the head and was life flighted to the hospital. My wife didn’t feel any need to contact my family to let them know of my injury. She was my wife, she could handle it on her own. The next few months were challenging. My wife stayed home with me to care for me during my recovery. We spent every moment together. I didn’t need anybody else nor did I need discuss my progress or recovery with them. She would handle everything.
In 6 weeks I returned to work and began reconnecting with my co-workers, bull riding friends and family. I guess my wife became very concerned once again and felt she needed me home more. I began missing a lot of work because I wanted to comfort her and reassure her that everything was ok.
It wasnt enough anymore that I was spending more time with her or wasn’t talking to anybody or going to work. When I would go to bed at night, she would check my phone to see with whom I had been communicating, and where I had been that day. I guess she didn’t like my continued efforts to develop my entertainment career and maintain contact with my friends and family because she began physically attacking me. It was my fault, I shouldn’t be doing anything that upset her. She loved me so much and she just didn’t want to share me with anybody. I wound reassure I loved her and I would stay home with her and comfort her. She was so sorry and she just couldn’t get enough of me.
On a few occasions I would see my family or co-workers and they would inquire about the scratches on my face. I would tell them I broke up a fight or make up a silly excuse. Nobody pushed me any further. Afterall, it was my fault, I should have made my wife feel more secure and then she wouldnt have been so jealous or concerned about where I was going or what I was doing. She wouldn’t of had to call me constantly and blow up my phone with calls and texts. It was my fault she would lose her temper and physically attack me when I was sleeping. Everyday I continued to reassure her that I loved her and I would do better.
My wife then decided she didn’t really want me involved with the rodeo people anymore. I should just stay away from them so I wouldn’t be tempted to ride anymore. They were just encouraging me to do something she didn’t want me to do anymore.
Through all my efforts to reassure my wife and comfort her when she would lose control and verbally or physically attack me, it was never enough.
That brings me to the day I died. The day that devastated my family and friends a d changed there lives forever. On Saturday, November 22nd my wife and I attended the Bakersfield Rodeo. My wife didn’t want me to go. She said I didn’t need to hang our with those people anymore. She wanted me to stay home with her. I had attended this rodeo every year and this year wasn’t going to be an exception. I had made plans to meet with my manager and discuss my future career plans. I was so excited and had spoken with my sister a few weeks before and expressed how important this was to me. I wanted this more than anything. I was “living the dream” and was determined to make this reality show a true reality for myself and my family.
My wife decided that if I was going, I certainly wasn’t going alone. She’d go with me. That way she wouldn’t have to worry about who I might talk to or see.
We met with my agent. I know she sensed that something was wrong, but I didn’t discuss my personal relationship with her. Although I know I could have, she would have listened. I didn’t tell many people what was going on in my life, certainly not my family. I didn’t want them to worry. I did reach out for help on a few occasions, but nobody really understood my horror. I didnt understand what was happening to me. I knew it was wrong, but i didnt know how to fix it. After all, I was a man, a Marine and a bull rider. I certainly could handle this on my own. I would take care of it. I would fix it. That’s what men do…right?
We attended the rodeo and then proceeded to the bar afterwards. It’s common that after a bull ride the riders would meet up at a local bar. It was typically promoted by radio stations and the PBR (Professional Bull Riders). My peers would be there. Some of whom were also appearing in the reality show. I loved these guys and was honored to be in there presence.
That night my dreams were shattered. I don’t know why things happened they way they did. Maybe my wife just wanted to get back at me or make me feel the same level of jealousy that she felt. My wife shamed me in front of my peers. She didn’t hold anything back. She was “flirting, coming onto and putting herself out there”. Bull riders are not unfamiliar with woman paying attention or flirting with them. They’re the stars of the show, they are successful and handsome. More importantly, they are loyal to there peers. You become family. They didnt like the way my wife behaving and before they knew I had died, they shared there concerns. I didn’t know what to do, what to say, I just did my best to ignore what was happening. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed of my wife’s behavior.
When the bar closed, we took the party bus back to our hotel. I had been drinking heavily and just wanted the night to be over. When we got back to the hotel room ,the abuse began. For the last time, my wife searched my phone for emails, texts and phone calls. Anything she could find to substantiate her behavior and begin the abuse. I just wanted to go to bed and I encouraged her to do so. It was late and we had been drinking and I knew where this was headed. She wouldn’t let up and said she was done with me and she was leaving.
That’s when my life ended. I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. My love wasn’t enough for her and my dreams, I felt, had just been destroyed.
I died that night from a gun shot to the head.
The days that followed were horrific for my family and friends. They just couldn’t believe I would do something like this. I always told them “don’t do anything stupid”. I was man, a Marine, a bull rider, a son, brother, father and friend. I’d do anything for anybody. I was loved by so many people. That alone should have been enough to save my life.
I should have told my family. I should have left my wife so that she could have gotten the help she needed. I should have recognized that I was being abused, but I was so confused, I didnt understand what I was doing wrong. That’s where I made the biggest mistake. It wasn’t my fault that I was being abused. It’s never your fault. I could have been the greatest husband in the world and I still would have been abused.
That’s my story. Thank you to my friends, family, co-workers and rodeo family for reaching out to my family and sharing my story. I hope it will save someone else’s life.
Use your voice. Reach out. People love you, more than you know.