Karla

I say no more because this was the defensive wound left by my teeth when my x was trying to rip my tounge outta my throat so I could not tell authorities about his abuse.

lenni Clare

When I was 16 I dated someone 8 years older than me. I thought he was the most amazing person I had ever met. He never was physically violent towards me, so I never thought that he had abused me in anyway way but I did experience mental and sexual abuse throughout are relationship, he controlled many aspects off my life, but I was so blind I didn’t see what was happening right in front off me for most of our relationship, it wasn’t till I tried to leave the first time I could see what was happening, he would show up to my place off work and hide or wonder up and down the street where I worked and one night he smashed my car by slashing three tires and smashing my windscreen , I was completely and utterly terrified off him and what he could be capable of doing to me. I ended up getting back into the relationship for a few months and on my final attempt to leave this relationship he came to my house and kicked my door down. I pray for anyone who is still suffering.

Delores

I SAY NO MORE BECAUSE DV OF ANY KIND IS NOT LOVE! ITS ALL ABOUT POWER AND CONTROL!

Claire

I met Nick through friends. I was a little reluctant to get involved with him as he had a bit of a name for himself. However, he seemed different with me so I gave him a chance. Nick was very intense at first and I was very much caught up in the whirlwind of it. He was very keen for us to marry and soon moved in with my children and I, as well as having his own child regularly. At first things were okay but after about a year of us being together, things changed. He would go out drinking heavily and began to stay out all night. When he did this I would be worried sick and found this most upsetting. He seemed to do it more if I had a big day at work the following day or if he hadn’t got his own way about something. He could be very unpredictable and would often lash out at strangers and entice fights. He called me a couple of times when he was drunk and in skirmishes that I had to sort out. He even smashed up a taxi office once while trying to get a cab. I found this frightening and a friend and I was trying to stop him. The police were looking for him but he got away. He always apologised and blamed alcohol. Nick gradually became more and more secretive yet questioned me over my every movement. I sometimes felt as if I was being punished for something I hadn’t done so worked harder to try and please him by being the perfect wife or having everything done for him. He was convinced that other men were trying it on with me and would often accuse me of being off with other men. Once at his birthday meal, someone took a picture of his best friend and I. Out of earshot of others he grabbed my arm, glared at me and whispered ‘You alright there are we?’ This became common, ‘the look’. He knew this unsettled me and it would put me on edge. I was constantly feeling like I had been punished for something I hadn’t done. It gave a sense of fear and anxiety in my stomach when he did it. Eventually anytime we were out I was constantly aware of my own behaviour and was paranoid on who I was speaking to or even how I long I spent in toilets. I had to persistently justify where I was. This resulted in me gradually manipulate my actions in order to prevent one of his accusations. It wasn’t unusual for him to make derogatory comments about women and their behaviour. The first time he became violent was after he had stayed out all night. When he arrived home I was most upset and he couldn’t give me a plausible explanation of where he was. I asked him to leave and began to pack his bags. As I did this he got hold of me and threw me down on the bed. Each time I got up he threw me back down. I remember saying to him that no matter how many times he knocked me down that I would always get up. He threw me down at such force I smashed the side of my face against the furniture. He was then grabbing me roughly and sexually and called me a dirty whore. He was then ranting about how all women were slags. He then left and I was left with a bruised face and bruises on my arms and legs. The bruise on my face lasted about a week and I had to use heavy make up to hide it. I felt so ashamed that I told no one apart from his mother and a colleague at work because I was embarrassed about going in with a bruised face. I was very upset and hoped that this violence would be a one-off. Nick was very apologetic afterwards and said he was just frustrated that we didn’t have our own house and things would change when we did. My family knew something was wrong, so did many of my friends. I dropped down two dress sizes and my alcohol consumption shot up. As well as this I used to ask a female friend to give me diazepam which I kept in a safe place for when I needed it. Gradually my life was becoming controlled by his moods and his behaviour. The low point came when I found out I was pregnant. My periods had been quite erratic for a while and when I told him he insisted I had a termination. I knew I couldn’t go ahead with the pregnancy as I didn’t feel I could cope with him as well as another child. I couldn’t go alone as I needed taking care of after but he kept telling me he wasn’t going with me and to take someone else. In the end he took me and was complaining persistently that he had to take a day off work. While we were in the waiting room he was ignoring me and playing on his phone. I had tears rolling down my cheeks and his response was ‘I don’t know why you are crying as no one else in here is.’ When I went through to have the procedure done, the nurses were reluctant to do it as I was so distressed. He acted like he didn’t care. I couldn’t call anyone for support as I would have to admit how nasty he had been to me and for some strange reason I always had the instinct to protect him. At times he could be a loving partner but there was always an undercurrent of aggression which left me walking on eggshells. It was almost as if he had me on invisible strings. I felt like I was tiptoeing on an unexploded mine. He would often behave I a subtle way to make me feel uncomfortable. He would often fabricate situations to accuse me of being with other men. Ie: mysterious calls/text accusing me of being with other men, disbelieving where I was despite my efforts to prove where I was. I would then get emotionally punished. This would be either his silence or his favourite one was to exclude me from any activities with his child who he knew I loved dearly. Nick would rarely attend functions/events surrounding my family, friends and work and would make excuses as to why he couldn’t attend as well as making it difficult for me to attend. Nick knew how committed I was to the marriage and our relationship. Many of our friends were witness to this but would not have none the full extent of his behaviour or the fact that it was only the tip of the iceberg. One time I got lost when a group of us were leaving a wedding reception. I didn’t know the area and was quite distressed. When he did find me I knew I would be punished. I was in the hotel bathroom crying and trying to explain to my friend that I would be punished. She tried to reassure me but she didn’t understand. I was right. After my friends left I was subjected to a tirade of verbal aggression which included death threats made to myself and my children. Eventually he made my children feel very uncomfortable and I was searching for everything in my power to try and solve it. I suggested family counselling but he refused. He became obsessional with my sons behaviour and would almost watch his every move. One night when he came home from work, my son and I were sat in the lounge laughing at a TV show. When Nick saw us both in the lounge, he sulked in another room, refused to eat his dinner I cooked, then disappeared over night the following evening. Financially he would exercise full control. He manipulated circumstances resulting in me having no access to the accounts. He would often freeze my card if things didn’t go his way. I asked to see statements as I couldn’t understand why I had no money but he always had an excuse. Often behaving aggressively, like when I refused to take out cards and a phone in his name. I gave in eventually and am still paying those debts now. When we separated and I finally gained access to the bank account it materialised he had been filtering my money out of the account and into his. In total he took over £26,000 from me. The final few weeks of our relationship was horrendous. He launched a tirade against my son over his pet . He insisted the family pet lived in my son’s room and would often use the pet as emotional leverage. My son, as teenagers do, was reluctant to clear up some mess the pet had made. Nick then grabbed hold of my son and I asked Nick to just go downstairs and cool off. He refused. I calmly said to him that it was best if he just went to cool off somewhere so I could prevent any escalation and deal with my son. When he still refused I said I would call my family to help as this was getting out of hand. He then grabbed a sledge hammer and ran downstairs and out the door. He was then swinging the mallet round yelling he would ‘Kill any cu*t that came near his house.’ The police was called. Nick was sent on his way to cool off and the police told me that this behaviour wasn’t normal and he was unstable. I didn’t want any charges pressed as I didn’t want to make things worse. The following day when he came home, he was in the kitchen making a sandwich. As I stood in the kitchen he began waving the knife around, unprovoked. He was ranting how he was going to stab myself and my children. The police were called again and came over to speak to him. His mother was on the phone trying to tell me he didn’t mean it. I was now beginning to feel permanently numb and at a loss of what I could do to restore some kind of peace. It was now out of control and I could see no way out. The last straw came when I had been out with friends for end of term drinks. He knew where I was, I even invited him along. My phone died and I panicked. I borrowed a friends phone to email him so he knew where I was. When I got home, I was subjected yet again to a tirade of verbal abuse. I ignored it. The following morning I knew I was in trouble and felt sick about his arrival home. When he did come home he accused me again of being off with other men and calling me names like whore and slag. I had had enough so I went to slap him round the face. This was a big mistake. I was thrown around my upstairs and thrown into the wardrobe where I banged my head hard. He began to smash things up. I was then pinned to the floor face down hard. I was curled up in a ball trying to protect myself and I really thought at some point I would die. I managed to get downstairs and tried to call my friend for help but he got hold of my phone and smashed it. He then pinned me to the floor and tried to rip off my clothes. He was telling me I was a slag and that he would throw me outside naked so everyone could see what a slag I was. He then started to say sexually vile things to me and grabbing me in intimate places. He grabbed the skin on the inside of my thigh and twisted it. He then seemed to switch, as if he realised he was doing wrong and I went to get in the car to get away. He insisted on driving me but was then driving round and round alternating from telling me he loved me to telling me to get out at the side of the road. I got to my friend’s house and my eyesight faltered. I was almost blind in one eye and I began to feel sick. She drove me to hospital and I was vomiting. I was vomiting so badly that I was given anti sickness drugs. I had to have a CT scan on my head as they thought I had a bleed on the brain. My friend called up Nick to tell him where I was. He refused to come up as he said it was a trap and he would be arrested. He eventually showed up. When I was having a brain scan he began to threaten my friend in keeping silent. The doctors kept asking me how I done it and I stayed silent. For some reason I still wanted to protect Nick. My arms and legs were a mass of bruises. The doctors told me they suspected Nick had done it. They also said that if there was any bleed on my brain they would have him arrested. I was kept in hospital for observation. Nick sat with me and kept saying that things will change and no-one needs to know what happened and we can both work through this. The next day I knew I had to leave. My family now knew something was wrong and my lies to cover things up were not working. While Nick was downstairs with his child I sneaked out the back door. I have never looked back. Getting out of this is the best thing I have ever done.

Chelsea

I wanted to share my story. People talk and everyone thinks they know everything but I want you to know what really happend. Although my actions leading me to this are unprecedented, what happened is not okay. I was never fully able to talk to this until recently because it's a hard thing to talk about. But I'm laying it out on the table. Here is a recent journal entry I'd like you to read ------ I never wanted this. I didnt chose this. I wanted a family and a house with a white pocket fence. I wanted chickens, cows... a farm, the whole 9 yards. But in a blink of an eye you stole that from me. I thought we were friends, but then you started being different. Your voice changed...you had this aggression about you that was well different. You told me that people thought I was a POS. You told me i would never get to see my daughter.. my house... my job...it would all be lost. You said you would be sure of that. You made me so scared. You told me I had to go to the river to talk if I wanted things to change you told me that I would lose everything if I didnt. I was scared. I was confused. I went and tried to kiss me. I said no I have a husband. And you got upset. You grabbed my wrist and told me to stop. I should have ran but I was scared. I remember the tears welling up in my eyes. You reached over and opened my door and pushed me out. I remember it was cold and wintery. I couldnt get up I kept slipping. You came around the car as I was pulling myself back in. You dragged me by my hood to the front of my car and held me face down by my neck...I remember the tears rolling down my face. I remember being so afraid begging you to stop and you wouldnt. Struggling to get away but I couldn't...you pushed me to the ground and finished what you had to. I sat there with the tears rolling down my face and you told me to get up. I slowly did. You told me noone had to know but if I said anything everyone would know. I was speechless. I didnt want to lose my entire world. Who would believe me...then for 3 months I tried to ignore you, I tried to block you and every time I did you broke me down again. You forced my to say things I didnt want to say send things I didnt want to send. You made me feel so icky inside. I pushed you away so many times but you made sure that I couldnt run. I gave in to you verbal demands of praise toward you because I was scared , how dumb was that!? you made me belive I was worthless yet you felt like the highest of highs. But I was so scared. I should have just told on you. In hindsight I could have fucked up your world right then and there, I wish I had. I take back everything that happend. It wasn't my fault it was yours. You took advantage of me. Then one day I had enough. I was going to do it. I was going to tell on you my plan was set. I wanted to tell you no more. How dumb could I be...you ripped my right out of my car. You weren't gentle at all. You said I was a whore and if you cant have me noone can. You threw me to the ground. And held me down. I kicked i did tell you to stop but you wouldnt. You hurt me and because of you I'll never be the same. You stole from me. You took something that was not yours. All because if you couldn't have me noone else can. I hate you so much. You made me feel so scared and worthless. I never should have listened to you. But now you got what you wanted but not fully. You sir will never have me. And never could. But you also took something from me with that. You took away my life. My family. My husband and I can never get that back. You ruined me. And I will never forgive you. You are the scum of the earth and you made something beautiful, ugly. How can someone even do what you did. Well lesson learned. You taught me something valuable. Never trust anyone. I hope you rot in hell and die a painful death. I hope you lose everything as I have....your friends..family..kids...i hope you lose it all. Now because of you I'm a cheater...because you hurt me not once but twice, my life will never be the same. I have been marked with the scarlet letter. My label will always be whore..slut..cheater...what did you do this to me!! No more. I will stand up for myself I will make life right. Despite the label you have given me. I will rise above and show everyone. I am worth more than what they say. So fuck you. Go to hell and die. You were right when you said if you cant have me, noone can. Finally everything came to light. I told you I was telling my husband. You already did....you never even gave me the chance, you made up a story that put me so far under that I didnt even have a chance. I was still so scared. The words just wouldnt come out. Slowly but surely they did, but it wasnt my story. Not only did you have my head fucked, you had everyone else's heads so fucked, believing your lies. Yes what happened was absolutely unnecessary I should have prevented it but I was so clammed up I wasnt thinking straight. But you, you raped me!! You stole from me!! Then your best friend someone who I thought was mine put me in the worst situations, but all I wanted was a friendship. She never told me the extent of how close you guys were. She took me to your house, I always refused to go in. The first few times I never understood or knew why we went there.let alone knew we were going at all. She knew I was uncomfortable, you could see it when we pulled up. I always waited in the car. You would message me just furious. I ignored you. You got more angry. Your friend..my friend...whatever the fuck she was would finally come out and we would leave. Oh the relief I felt. I would rush home after that. My trust for people slowly faded. Finally on the second to last one, I realized why she always went there and I'm finally realizing why too. You both stole from me. You both put me in situations that hurt me and did either of you care? Awe fuck no. I hate you both. My life will never be the same because of you. Now I sit here at the bottom. Looking like the scum of the earth trying to pull my weight from 6 feet under. I will prove I want more than what you gave me. I deserve more. So fuck both of you. I will succeed I will rise above. People will always believe what they want, that just people. But I know my story. I know what happened. It was never supposed to, now I have to prove I'm right and your wrong. I've come thru worse. I am a good person. Watch me go as I watch you fall. Do you even understand the traversity you caused in my life! I will always be the bad one because of you. Because of you my husband cant even look at me the same. You know what happend but you're too much of a coward to come forward! You will get yours. Maybe not now, but someday. I may have made a mistake but I dont deserve what you did to me or the cards I've been given. All this you've done now gets to sit and eat me away because I have no one. You took everyone from me. Because of what you said and the things you made me say and do, my own husband doesnt even want to hear me. I just want to scream. It hurts. So so bad. I want to hide and never come out. I just need someone to talk to. Someone that understands what happened to me. I get it. My husband is mad. I has every right to be hands down, but where is my hug! Where is my are you okay. Because I'm not. I'm not okay at all. I'm breaking inside trying to hold on. Grading my last straw. I dont want my marriage to fail. I love my husband so much. Why did you have to take that from me! I would do anything to make it better. I'm feeling like the world would be better without me today. I just want this pain to go away. I want to see the light. I'm off to bed now...I pray to god I dont wake up. I dont want to face another day. I cant. You ruined my life. I just want to scream. Why was I so scared scared of you!?. Cant anyone see I'm downing. I need help. Help me please!!!! I can't breath and the walls are closing in. Just give me a sign it's my time to go!!! Please. I just want to feel beautiful again. I just want to be worth something. My husband knows the truth now and although it will take time, we are mending. But remember you will never bring me down. You may have stole from me but you have not broken me.

Carrie

I am a multiple sexual assault and physical assault Survivor. I want our Justice System to improve so that we as victims get a fair Trial.

Bella and the Beasts

I was only 8 year old, when my whole life would change without me knowing. I have blocked out, when or I should say how the abuse even started but I’m working on that. I do remember, wanting to just play with my friends or ask someone questions about what was going on. My mother was involved with we will call him Franco, and he seemed like a great father and perfect for my mom. Not the case. He started touching me, and then that day came where my clothes were off, I was pulled closer and I remember so much lotion caked on my private area. And then it happened, my innocence gone. I believe once he knew, he did that and I didn’t say a word.. he won. So, it continued until I was 12. My tailbone was so badly bruised, I couldn’t sit right, I became numb. Then, I thought what if this happens to my little sister, so I finally spoke up. I was quiet from 8-12, and I’m thankful my mother believed me. He took off, and I recently tracked him down, more than 20 years and I still feel guilty.

Bethany

I Say No More because I am a survivor of domestic violence. Twice. I was in a relationship with a man and had a daughter with him. He was perfect for a while. He started being violent towards me, but not the kids. I had a son from a previous relationship as well. The last night he hit me, my son who was 6, tried to help me, and he hit him too. 20 days jail time is all he got. 20 pathetic days for all the damage he caused on me, that to this day I am still having problems with and will always have them, and need surgeries I cannot afford. 20 days for hitting an innocent child. Our judicial system is corrupt when it comes to this. No wonder a woman is terrified to speak up. It isn't worth the risk you take to take that step into telling, when you know they are going to more than likely come after you when they get out. Protective order? Just a paper. My ex violated his, twice, and got 6 months. Pathetic. I had to lose everything I had, my home, my job, my car, and then my kids for 7 months because I didn't have a steady home at that time, and then the emotional damage, the awful court process, then trying to heal my kids and myself, because HE HIT ME AND MY SON. Him. He did this. And lost nothing. The victims are the one who, in the end, get punished. It is not fair. Then you have the victim shaming and critizing from uninformed, judgemental bystanders. "You should have left sooner" "You wouldn't have stayed so long if you really love your kids". Those are so cruel, harsh words. Then, the next guy I dated, was amazing. Couldn't ask for a better person. Was amazing with the kids and the kids loved him to death. For a while. Knew what I had been through, promised to never hurt me like that, you know all those things. He was patient. And it started. He would hold me down and pour beer in my eyes. He put cigarettes out on my face all the time. I have several broken bones. He shot a gun at me. No, he never hurt the kids, but they was destroyed seeing that. And man was a smooth talker. Everyone believed I was crazy, even I did. A true Narcissist and was amazing at gaslighting. I was isololated to him and his family. No friends, no phone, no car, no family. And when I did work, he sit in the parking lot a few buildings away watching me. He would sneak around and watch through the windows. Every where I went, he would follow me or have someone do it. He would pretend to leave, then hide under our trailer watching me to see if I would leave. I was accused of anything and everything. It was miserable. No one should have to live like that or in fear like that. I did for 2 years. I left him January 6, 2019 and it was the best decision I ever made. He still sneaks around here and there at night, but I have something a little bigger than he is if he messes with me. I refuse to live in fear anymore. We need to stand together and support these victims, show them we do care and we are there. There is not enough support for them out there. Sorry this was so long! Also, I think men and women too, who have been convicted of domestic violence or child abuse should have to register for the rest of their lives, just like sex offenders do.

Diane

I Say No More to domestic violence because it’s too common among women. When I was a senior in High School in 2004 I dated a man 10 years older than me. I thought he loved me. I endured stalking and abuse at the hands of him. Not long into the relationship I got pregnant with my son. I knew I wanted better for my son so I left his dad alone and started dating other men. I ended up getting married when my son was almost 2. I dated this man who I met while he was in the military in 2006. We dated for 2 months before he proposed. 3 months after meeting we were married. Little did I know he was abusive. He exhibited signs, but somehow I missed them. After 2 years I left him because he promised to change and didn’t. I left Virginia and went back to my hometown with my 2 kids at the time. I came back to make it work which it did not. When my youngest daughter was 4 I left on a bus for good. I have taken the time to heal. I now spread awareness to others. I am Healed!!

Tia

I was 54 when I was assaulted. I never thought it would happen to me. I was older....wiser and I was a fighter I thought rape was when you got off the bus at midnight and grabbed by some guy who has long hair, missing teeth , and throws you in the bushes, beats you and assaults you. My assault left me with no bruises. My assault was with a man I really liked. My assault happened in my own home. It took me months to process what happened. 18 months later I went to the police and he was arrested. I was afraid of them charging him as it could mean a trial so I said no. I went for counselling. Became strong again and went back to police to have him charged. All this for nothing. It went through 2 prejudicial trials and charges were dropped. I often think my death would speak louder than my voice in my quest for justice. I