Show your support for NO MORE domestic violence and sexual assault
I married at 16 years old, had two children and was in a physical, verbal and emotional abusive relationship. After 17 years of trying to keep the marriage together for the kids, we divorced. To this day my kids tell me my biggest mistake was trying to stick it out for them, they were miserable, but at the time no one on the outside knew what was going on at home. My son was always trying to protect me and I see the results of this today, even though he is 40 years old. My husband and I split on May 31st, 1990 and on June 2nd I was robbed and raped at gunpoint as I was leaving my job at a mall. My husband returned home for a couple of weeks, the first night following the rape, he "reclaimed his territory", this speaks highly of his sensitive side - LOL. At the same time my oldest brother, with whom I was very close was diagnosed with terminal cancer at age 46. He passed away on Nov. 3, 1990. I did not take time to get the help I needed then. Instead I went out and met a "former" drug addict and alcoholic and within a year married him. Lived the high life for a while, spent money like water, traveled, drank, spent money, drank, drank, spent money. You get the picture. I stay married to him for 10 years all the while realizing he did not respect me and to this day I know it was because I didn't feel I deserved respect, didn't demand it. We have been divorced 13 years and now are good friends, he treats me respect because I deserve it. In the last year all this came back to haunt me. I had a breakdown in May 2013, at 57. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, OCD tendencies, severe anxiety/panic disorder and of course, depression. I have been seeing a therapist since June and we are just beginning to start peeling the onion. Getting down to the layers of pain, shame, guilt, despair, etc. that have built up inside me for my entire adult life. I am unable to work a full-time job and struggle at keeping a part-time retail job working anywhere from 3-20 hours a week and I have a BBA in business management. I am fighting for SSDI, living on charity from my church and my brother, food stamps, have just finally been accepted for state-based health plan. Why do I say "No More"? I say "No More" because it was something I didn't say many years ago and I hope by saying it now, I can help someone else say it LOUD AND PROUD, so they don't lose who they are and can achieve who they can be! Janice
